When
where God puts you makes you miserable…
Just as anyone should before making a major decision, I
pray about God’s certain will concerning my mission trips. I remember being
told once that though the opportunity may be amazing, “if it’s not where God wants
you, you’ll be miserable.” So, I wait for God’s peace on where to go.
Sometimes, it’s just a certainty in the pit of my stomach, or a settled mind,
or just a “sure feeling,” and sometimes, God just brings the circumstances
about so that there is no other choice.
Coming to Taiwan, I had that feeling in the pit of my
stomach that I was going. My mind was screaming that it had to be a mistake. -I
didn’t want to come. It reasoned that God wouldn’t call me to a place without
turning my heart there. My mind thought out alternative choices if Taiwan
“didn’t work out,” but frankly, I knew. I was going.
Why did I fight it so much? I don’t know. I didn’t want
to go to Taiwan, but I knew that if that’s where God wanted me, I wouldn’t “be
happy” anywhere else. He would get me there whether I liked it or not. So, I
resigned myself to the fact that I would be teaching English to a bunch of
Chinese children and prayed for God to change my heart.
-And He seemed to. Slowly, slowly, God gave me an
excitement for the trip, wisdom in packing, and a smile on my face. People
asked me if I was still planning on going to Mexico some day, as Taiwan and
Mexico are not close to the same, and I had to answer carefully. God still has
my heart on the Mexican people, but I know that if He calls else-where, I
cannot ignore it. The Taiwanese need Jesus too.
Yes, it’s hard to go. No, it’s not what I had in mind.
But then, when was I ever able to comprehend God’s mind?
Since when did He start “explaining” His will to me?
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
Finally the day came to board the plane and fly. Off to
another adventure. I was excited now, but trying hard not to form any
expectations of what was coming. Every trip I have made to date I have learned
something, but what would I learn here? Would I enjoy it? Would I go home just
as excited as when I left? -I really
didn’t know.
Meeting my team leader, I felt overwhelmed at God’s
goodness. What a great team He had put me on! Our ideas for ministry, and our
team goals, as well as our personal goals melded so well, one would think we
had been chosen specifically to work together.
-And who’s to say
we weren’t?-
When we pray together, it’s as if the whole world stops
so that we can approach the throne of grace uninterrupted. A couple hours of
prayer and praise flies by as only fifteen minutes. Though it is impossible to
see all the results of prayer this side of heaven, some of them already seem to
be answered. This is what a team is all about!
Yet, something was wrong. I felt miserable. I knew this
was where God called. He wanted me here, and that is so obvious. If God wanted
me here, wasn’t everything supposed to go smoothly? Doesn’t it mean I should be
happy? Won’t God then work out all things perfectly?
Very obviously not!
I felt like a fish out of water, like a child in a huge
crowd of people five times my size. A different language, a different culture,
a different learning style, different foods; just to name a few! It didn’t seem
to matter what I did, I couldn’t keep up with the schedule of where I was to be
when. I started out excited to teach, but quickly noticed a huge language
barrier and lost heart. I easily got lost in town, partly due to the fact that
everything is written in Chinese, and partly due to just feeling lost. It began to feel like I looked through a cloud at
everything, like I wasn’t really part of it, but just there. Even with all the ways God had taught me and prepared me for
life, I was totally unprepared for THIS.
Quickly sensing discouragement, it didn’t help when my
team mates began to point out these and other discrepancies in my life. They
did it in complete love, in God’s perfect timing; but it felt overwhelming to
me. It seemed that my “best” did not even enter the scale of “capable.” I saw
in them the many character qualities I was missing, but could not understand
why I couldn’t “get it together.” It’s not like I’ve never been in a foreign
country before! This is not how it is
supposed to be. I’m obeying God. I’m here.
Okay, it’s time to get desperate. “LORD!” I felt like
demanding. “What’s going on here?” But I knew the problem was me, not God, not
my team, not even the foreign country. My friends were telling me to get over
myself, but I didn’t know what to
“get over.” It seemed my prayers were a waste of time, because I didn’t know what
sin was keeping me from God so I couldn’t correct it and mend our
communication.
So, what does a Christian do when God seems silent?
As silly as it sounds, a Christian just keeps doing the
basics. Reading the Bible, applying what I read, praying, and seeking God’s
face.
Really?
Yes.
You see, there is someone in the Bible who had this same
issue. I had nearly forgotten. His name was Job. Even though he was upright and
clean before God, he had a very hard time. Job’s friends accused him of
hypocrisy because it seemed God had turned against him. They claimed what many
think today. “If you are doing God’s will, you will be blessed; so, if you are
miserable, you must be out of God’s will.”
However, this is NOT the case. Yes, God promises to bless
those that obey His principles. Yes, God says that all will work for good. The
question is, what is good? Who
defines it? Me? Now that would be heresy, as it would put me on the same level
as God. Of course, He defines good, for He can see the greater picture.
-That all things come together to glorify the Father.-
In Isaiah, God states that He
can bring light out of darkness, treasure out of evil, and creates good and
bad. He can turn any circumstance into the perfect picture of His grace. “And I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches
of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the LORD, which call thee by
thy name, am the God of Israel. I form the light, and create darkness: I make
peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.” Isaiah 45:3,7
In Job’s case, God didn’t turn against Job. Satan did.
Satan dug in with “both hands” so to speak, stripping him of his cattle,
killing his children, and taking his health. Did Job do wrong to deserve this?
Was he in the wrong place? Did he step out of God’s will? I don’t think so, for
in the beginning, even God calls Job upright and without evil.
So, forget the lie that if you are where you should be
you will be happy. God’s plans are so much bigger than that! Don’t put him in a
box! For sure, make sure you are clean in God’s eyes, but don’t beat yourself
up. If God shuts a door in your ministry, He will show you where to go.
Really, it’s quite silly to try to out-guess God to know
what He’s thinking. So let Him be God. Serve where He has you. Endure hardness
as a good soldier. Trust His perfect
plan.
“Then Job answered the LORD, and said, I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee. Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not. Hear, I beseech thee, and I will speak: I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me. I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee. Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.” Job 42:1-6
To be continued…
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